Sitting the car on the way back from our family cabin this weekend, I found myself thinking about submission. You know, as one does.
“What does submission really mean?”
“Do I submit to my husband?”
“If I ask him, would he say that I am submissive?”
“Do I believe that should be my goal as a Christian wife?”
And hence, this newsletter was born.
I find it somewhat entertaining to see the wide variety of interpretations of the infamous Ephesians Five passage on submission. Even within Catholic circles, people take it in many different ways, some of which seem contradictory. Before diving into all that, here is the passage I am speaking of, which you have probably definitely heard at some point.
Ephesians 5:21-25
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Yep. There’s a lot there. I don’t think many of us can read it without calling to mind some commentary or sermon that we have heard on these ideas of submission, most of which focus on the women’s side of things.
I have always wrestled with this passage, even as I studied theology and heard many interpretations of what submission means for women and men in the marital relationships. Too often, discussions faded into vague spirituality. As someone who really likes the practical, how-do-we-live-this-out side of theology, the answers never seemed satisfactory.
Art by Brian Kershinik
I do find it helpful to understand that Scripture can always be read in more than one way. The Catechism speaks of four different senses of Scripture that can help us unpack the meaning behind any passage.
There is the literal sense, which helps us identify the genre we are reading (think history, poetry, parable, etc) and reminds us to look at the historical context (whos, whats and whens) of the passage. Then, there are the spiritual senses: allegorical, moral and anagogical. Simply put, allegorical has to do with typology and foreshadowing, always leading us to think about how a passage connects to Jesus. The moral sense looks at how a passage should inspire us to live our lives, and the anagogical sense asks to look at how it points to eternity - heaven and hell.
If you want a more in-depth explanation, this article is great.
Many of the interpretations that I have heard of Ephesians Five are a mixture of both the literal and moral senses. They look at the historical and modern connotations of the word submission and what Paul might have been trying to say, and then jump forward to apply those to modern day life and action.
A few that come to mind (I am sure there are many more):
Submit means submit. Wives must submit to their husbands in every regard. In all things, men should have the final word. Women need to simply obey their husbands, full stop (including sexually).
Submission, broken down, means “under the mission” and the mission of men is to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. So submitting basically means being open and receiving your husband’s love.
This passage follows the format of a household code, a common document in the Roman Empire. They were meant to define the roles of different household members in terms of power and authority. Paul is using this format to underline concepts of spiritual authority within marriage.
This passage only applies to Christians and is strictly spiritual. So if your husband isn’t Christian, no need to submit.
Now, I don’t think any of these offer a complete or holistic picture of what Scripture is trying to say. At best, some of them propose lovely yet vague spiritual ideas and at their worst, they can be weaponized to enforce a strict way of life within marriage.
What comes to your mind when you hear the word submission?
One image that pops into my head is of a barefoot and pregnant woman who spends all day at home in the kitchen with her 5+ kids, never daring to be involved in anything beyond her home as per her husband’s wishes. Where does that image comes from? Probably from a fundamentalist memoir that I once read. It certainly doesn’t reflect my reality as a Christian woman, or the lives of most other women I know.
The other thing that comes to mind is how submission is spoken of in popular Catholic circles - mostly in vague spiritual terms, along the lines of women being “under the mission” of their loving husbands. Okay, that all sounds nice….. but what does that actually look like? What does it mean for the husband to have spiritual authority if they are indeed supposed to? If you aren’t taking the passage literally, as in wives submit to your husbands in everything from what clothes to wear to how your raise your children, how should you take it?
Clearly, this is something I probably spend a little too much time thinking about late at night.
My husband and I were very excited when The Chosen Season 4 finally got released in June. Man, does that show keep getting better and better. One thing I loved about this particular season was how it emphasized that the Apostles often misinterpreted/misunderstood Jesus’ words and actions. Their minds were set in the ways that they were used to the world operating and it was difficult for them to break away and see the new way that Jesus was proposing. This was especially clear when James and John fixated on holding the positions of Jesus’ left and right hand men, which Jesus had no time for. He answered them by saying that although this world is built on hierarchy and power, his Kingdom is not.
This truth has helped me as I wrestle and think through Ephesians Five. Going back to the allegorical sense of Scripture, we need to be asking ourselves: “how does this passage connect to Jesus?”
I stumbled upon this quote from St. John Paul II’s Mulieris Dignitatem: On the Vocation and Dignity of Women that I believe reveals the connection between Ephesians Five and Jesus.
The author of the Letter to the Ephesians sees no contradiction between an exhortation formulated in this way and the words: "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife" (5:22-23). The author knows that this way of speaking, so profoundly rooted in the customs and religious tradition of the time, is to be understood and carried out in a new way: as a "mutual subjection out of reverence for Christ" (cf. Eph 5:21). This is especially true because the husband is called the "head" of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church; he is so in order to give "himself up for her" (Eph 5:25), and giving himself up for her means giving up even his own life. However, whereas in the relationship between Christ and the Church the subjection is only on the part of the Church, in the relationship between husband and wife the "subjection" is not one-sided but mutual.
In relation to the "old" this is evidently something "new": it is an innovation of the Gospel.
I love that line: “it is an innovation of the Gospel.” What a reminder to me that with Jesus, relationships are not defined by power, authority and a desire to dominate. In his new way, we need to think about marriage with fresh eyes that are not tainted by the struggles of this world.
Art by Henri Martin
How do we do that?
What does submission, mutual or otherwise, look like in the light of the Gospel?
How do we define roles within marriage, while honoring the strengths and weaknesses of both men and women?
Tell me, what interpretations of Ephesians Five have you heard? Anything that resonated (or offended) you?
I can’t wait to unpack this, and more, in my next newsletter along with the help of my favorite philosopher and theologian, St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein).
In the meantime, here’s a few things I’ve enjoyed this week:
The book Becoming Mrs. Lewis. I thoroughly enjoyed this spiritually poignant love story that honored the beloved C.S. Lewis and his wife.
- wrote a beautiful post on the importance of living in our real-life experiences, rather seeing everything through an internet lens:
“The world can feel overwhelming. And because outrage sells, that’s what we’re often encountering online. It can bleed into our real, lived lives and make us miss the beautiful realities right in front of us.
People don’t read anymore, but some friends and I started a bookclub this summer. Parents are statistically unhappier than non-parents, but I’m happier than I ever was before kids. Churches are dying, but I go to Mass every week at a service bursting with disruptive children and young parents.”
- is someone I have been following for a while, and I’m excited to see her continued work on Unraveling Catholic Purity Culture.
Although this article is behind a paywall, you can access it with a free trial. Worth it. To quote Rachael quoting Pope St. John Paul II: “There is no need to be dismayed if love sometimes follows torturous ways. Grace has the power to make straight the paths of human love.”
I hope you all have a peaceful week,
Hannah Chartier